Frame: More Food Network Halloween
By popular demand and in honor of Halloween, here are some more thoughts on what the Food Network Stars will be wearing at this year’s costume party.
Jeffrey is going as the man in the relationship.
Ok, maybe not.
I’m just kidding Jeffrey, you’re a really good sport. I know that you’re actually going as your favorite food, roast chicken.
…which works out really well because Ina can’t make it to the party (something about a flower arranging class with her gay friend Paul), so Jeffrey’s new date is Alton Brown, who is going as Colonel Sanders.
I thought it would be funny to say that the Neelys were going as either a) Jewish or b) Vegans, but I could not find one single picture of them sans a) Jesus or b) some pork product.
No hanukkah here
Anthony Bourdain (I know, he’s not actually on the food network) is going as a chef. Remember Les Halles, Tony?
Claire Robinson is going as Aida. Aida is going as Claire Robinson. Because no one cares about either of them.
- even claire doesn’t care
Happy Halloween!
Frame: Guessing Game
Ok, I admit it. I’m kind of proud of myself for thinking up this Halloween costume. For the past 4 years I have been a black eyed pea- I draw a black circle around one of my eyes and wear the letter “P” on my shirt. But after hearing the groans from my friends when I told them I was planning to bring that one out again last night, I did a little brainstorming and came up with this- see if you can guess what it is. The raw materials for the costume are pictured as well, in case you can’t quite get it from the photo of me dressed at the party.
hint: it's a food
hint: it's not a tennis racquet, its a ______ racquet
Frame: #100
There are a lot of ways to celebrate a milestone. I’m acknowledging my 100th blog post with the finishing touch to my remodeled “office”- a new chair.
Thanks for reading!
office complete with new chair!
Food: Mio’s Mac and Cheese
I really like macaroni and cheese, so much so that I have two books dedicated completely to this dish. Once you get used to the basic formula – grate cheese, make roux, add milk, add cheese, bake – it’s very easy to explore different variants on the same paradigm. Recently, while reorganizing a cork board stacked with pictures and recipes ripped from La Cucina, Food and Wine, etc., I came across a piece I’d saved from Bon Appetit, circa 2008. They had profiled Mio Kitchen and Wine Bar in Pittsburgh, PA, and detailed their family meal recipe for Mac and Cheese with Pancetta. It may have taken two years for me to actually put the recipe to use, but it was worth the wait. The combination of cheddar, parmesan, and marscapone was not one that I had tried before, and it gave a mellow, nutty flavor to the sauce, though I felt that I had to add more salt than normal. And, when I cook this again I am going to add a squeeze of lemon and replace half of the marscapone with sour cream- I think the acid will perk up the flavors a bit and bring out the smokiness of the pancetta.
Here is Mio’s recipe with my commentary, if you’d like to give it a try.
1. Melt 1 tbsp of butter in a large deep skillet over medium-high heat. Add pancetta (4 oz coarsely chopped) and saute until crisp (about 6 minutes).
crisping pancetta
2. Add 1 cup finely chopped onion, saute until tender, then add 3/4 tsp crushed red pepper and 1 minced clove of garlic, stir for one minute. Stir in three tablespoons of butter, allow to melt.
add onions, garlic, red pepper, butter
3. Add 1/4 cup flour and stir for one minute. (Easiest roux ever.)
add flour- easiest roux ever
4. Gradually whisk in 3 and 1/2 cups whole milk, simmer until thick enough to coat a spoon, stirring frequently, about 5 minutes.
thickened milk mixture
5. Remove from heat. Whisk in one 8 oz container marscapone, 2 cups grated sharp cheddar, and 1 cup grated parmesan.
cheese, cheese, cheese
6. In a separate pan, melt three tbsp butter, then add 1 1/2 cup panko breadcrumbs and a handful of chopped parsley, stir until golden brown.
toasting breadcrumbs
Now, at this point one has to decide how they want to eat their mac and cheese. You could cook a pound of pasta, add the sauce, top it with the breadcrumbs and bake it for 30 minutes at 350. Or, you could cook a small amount of pasta, add cheese, and bake a single portion, which allows you to then save the rest of the sauce in the fridge and have mac and cheese all week.
single baked portion
Or, if you are really hungry, this recipe is good enough that you can bypass the baking step altogether. Cook pasta, cover with copious amounts of sauce, put in bowl, top with breadcrumbs. Eat!
single non-baked portion (i was really hungry)
Food: Roux is Easier than Chocolate Sauce
Now, I’ve had my share of debacles in the kitchen, but one thing I can prepare with accuracy is a roux.
A what?
A roux- a mixture of equal parts flour and fat, the fat typically being butter. You can also use lard, vegetable oil, or if you’re feeling meaty, bacon grease. Roux is used as a thickening agent in sauces, gravies, soups, and stews, and, depending on how long you cook it, you can create one of the three different types of roux.
White: Cooked just until the mixture no longer tastes of flour, and typically used in basic bechamel sauces, primarily for thickening.
Blonde: Cooked several minutes more until a darker color is achieved and a nutty flavor is produced.
Brick: Usually made with vegetable oil instead of butter, this roux is cooked the longest over low heat and is typically found in Creole gumbos or stews. Used more for flavor and less for thickening.
You know what else roux is good for? Fancy macaroni and cheese, which is what I am planning to make shortly. In case you are also craving this comfort food, here is how to make a lovely roux.
1. Melt three tablespoons of butter over medium heat.
melt butter until frothy
2. Next, whisk in an equal amount- by weight, not volume- of flour. This means that while the written ratio of flour to fat for a roux is 1:1, you can’t use three tablespoons of flour for three tablespoons of butter.
stir with whisk or wooden spoon
3. If your pan looks like this after you’ve incorporated your flour and cooked for a minute or two over low heat, you need to add more flour until you get a paste-like consistency. You’ll probably need about 1/4 cup of flour for 3 tablespoons of butter.
needs more flour
4. Once you get a paste, as pictured below, you have a white roux (suitable for mac and cheese).
white roux
5. If you keep cooking, you will hit the stages of blonde roux, and finally brick (or “brown”) roux. When you get to brown roux stage, the mixture will start losing its shape again, becoming a little more loose than the paste consistency of white or blonde.
Voila!
brick roux
Frame: Save Me
A few months ago, I finally closed on the condo I’d been trying to buy for the better part of a year. (Note: when you see the words “short sale” in real estate: run, run away.) As part of the mortgage process, I had to purchase condo owner’s insurance to protect me in the event of flood, fire, or zombieland.
<Begin brief lesson.>
You see, the master insurance for a building only pays to rebuild your unit as a livable space, it does not allow for the replacement of things like appliances, furniture, or personal belongings (clothes, jewelry, etc.). When you buy your condo owner’s insurance, you have to take stock of what you have and what it’s worth, then decide on a sum of money that you think could replace those things, were they all to disappear in a cloud of pestilence.
<End brief lesson.>
It is an interesting exercise to go through everything you own and assess its value, or decide it has no value, or realize it is invaluable.
signing the downpayment check
Personally, I like to think of myself as a well-organized pack rat. I may hold on to artifacts, letters, and mementos- a trait bestowed upon me by my mother- but most of these things are carefully stored in files and boxes labeled “memorabilia,” a compulsion given to me by my father. I amass my share of stuff, but every few months I have a pretty intense “where did all this stuff come from?” fit that purges a good bit of it. But the seashell from Plum Island, the stained meatball recipe, and the pressed mimosa flowers will always remain- I can see myself trying to stuff my pockets full of these irreplaceable bits and pieces before exiting my smoking building, should that day ever come.
Since I bought the condo insurance, I’ve run through the emergency scenario of trying to rescue my priceless possessions a few times, but I always get bogged down in the practical details. How much time will I actually have? How much can I carry? Will I be going out the door or the fire escape? Will I have time to throw a few less breakable things out the window to collect later so I don’t have to carry them? What will the weather be like that day?
However, as much as I treasure my photos, threadbare t-shirts, and scraps of paper with faded handwritten notes, the thought of waking up one day with absolutely nothing is interesting. It’s not that I secretly yearn to live some completely ascetic existence, it’s the thought of a fresh start. The idea of being forced to let go of everything in your past and focus only on the future is pretty compelling.
In the end, if my building was on fire, there’s only one thing I would grab- and it’s not my favorite cookbook, my grandmother’s teacups, my best earrings, or even my laptop. Happy Birthday Zucca, I hope you’re content knowing that even after all of your bitching, shedding, and early morning eye-pawing, I choose you.
zucca bazooka
Feast: Hippie Muffins and High Maintenance Cupcakes
I know, I’ve been going on and on about the vegan low- fat chocolate muffins at Flour, and I promise this is the last time I’ll write about them*. However today, when I decided to splurge on Flour’s not-vegan full- fat chocolate cupcake, I noticed some distinct differences between the two that I wanted to discuss.
Now, when you buy a vegan low-fat chocolate muffin at Flour, it comes like this:
When you think about it, this makes perfect sense. It’s vegan, right? It’s the hippie treat- it doesn’t even go by the slave name “cupcake,” it prefers “muffin.” It is happy to be dressed in its brown paper bag, and in fact would go naked it if could, but in the name of decency will settle for a simple coat of tissue paper. This is the muffin playing bucket bongos on the corner of Newbury and Mass Ave, longing for the days of Tower Records.
Now, when you buy a Chocolate Cupcake with Crispy Magic Icing, it makes a much different entrance.
Clearly, this is a high maintenance cupcake. She is carefully swathed in her Armani overcoat, and as if that weren’t enough…
…she is snugly nestled inside. It’s like she’s going on a horse-drawn carriage ride through Central Park, but not before two uniformed personal attendants tuck her in with chinchilla fur blankets. This cupcake only flies first class and never pays for her own drinks. She has five pairs of Frye boots, her own line to the make-up counter at Saks, and a sub-zero refrigerator constantly stocked with carrot sticks and Tab.
The Hippie does not have icing- she prefers a light dusting of powdered sugar. Of course- what good hippie wears perfume when there is baby powder on the shelf? A typical morning for the Hippie muffin involves pulling up her Carhartts, sliding on her Birkenstocks, and tying back her dreadlocks with a piece of twine before she goes to work at her non-profit du jour.
But the cupcake, oh no. Every day, Ms. High Maintenance gets up three hours before her volunteer job at the Children’s Hospital (best place to meet rich doctors). Her primary residence is just above the salon where she has her hair blown out after her daily rose-scented bath (post Pilates session with her personal trainer). Upon returning to her bedroom suite, her stylist will have carefully staged her outfit on a hanger in her walk-in closet.
All kidding aside, the Chocolate Cupcakes with Crispy Magic Icing at Flour are just as amazing as the vegan muffins. The cake in Ms. High Maintenance is moist, tender, and smoother than that of the Hippie- there are no chocolate pieces in the cupcake. But the flavor is still incredibly rich and layered. The icing is subtle, buttery, and sweet without being cloying, and contrary to the name “crispy,” it is melt in your mouth soft- the cashmere hat that every good high maintenance cupcake is wearing this season.
* Had my fingers crossed.
Frame: An Alternate Universe
I’ve always been slightly fascinated by airports. They are an alternate universe, a place where anything goes. Business suits sit next to pajamas, the people sleeping on the floor are not necessarily homeless, CNN streams over and over, the only television channel that exists. You are, for the duration of your stay, a nomad, carrying all of your earthly possessions with you, heavily warned not to entrust them to anyone else. Be wary of anyone and anything, this universe tells you, yet you are forced to basically undress before you are granted admittance. The airport is the only place that I will ever buy a Glamour magazine- I normally can’t stand the syrupy writing and the “Top Ten Ways to Lose That Belly Fat!” articles. But there is something about an airport that makes me think, “you know, I really should figure out what haircut is best for my face-shape.”
And then, there is airport food. Should you be hungry enough to need sustenance during your trip to the alternate universe, you have just three choices: the convenience store, the food court, or the bar.
First, the convenience store. Magazines, Airborne tablets, and more gum, tic-tacs, and off- brand gummy worms than you could ever ask for. These places also seem to specialize in delights such as “Combos,” those round pretzel filled snacks that are stuffed with peanut butter or “pizza” flavoring and can’t really be found outside of the airport anymore. Other treats available here? Pork rinds, Cheetos, Doritos- anything that leaves an orange or grease residue and requires a napkin, which of course you won’t have once you polish off your bag while mindlessly watching CNN. But, if you are shopping at the convenience store your flight is clearly on time and you just need something to tide you over before your in-flight snack arrives. Lucky you!
If you have a little more time or hunger on your hands, you’ll probably head to option number 2, the food court. Maybe your plane is delayed, or you actually listened to those FAA instructions and arrived at the airport 3 hours in advance (really, who still does that?), so you have the option to spend a few minutes grabbing a slice of pizza or some chinese food* before you head to your gate. This is all well and good, but here’s the bad news:
1. There will be pizza, and it will look really, really good. But it will taste really, really bad.
2. The line at Starbucks will be far too long for you to even consider getting a latte.
3. What you really want- that burrito from the place in the corner- is just screaming “eat me and I’ll make SURE you have to use the airplane bathroom.”
McDonald’s it is!
And finally, should you be unlucky enough to be stuck in the alternate universe for the long haul- missed flight, weather delay, catastrophic business trip- you’ll be visiting the airport bar. Really, it’s the only option if you need something to make you feel better about your impending night on the floor of the terminal, or crunched into one of the fake leather seats. Belly up and make friends, everyone is there for the same reason. And at least you can watch sports in the bar, giving yourself a break from that same CNN human interest piece that has been droning on and on in a loop for two hours. The bar probably has fries, wings, or some kind of comfort food that will soak up the vodka.
I’ve spent at least my fair share of time in airports, both domestic and international, and there is something comforting in knowing that the food is basically the same wherever you go, from Boston to Bologna. It may be an alternate universe, but at least you know you can get gum, pizza, or beer no matter what part of that universe you’re in.
*That Chinese food will come in a styrofoam container. The airport is the last bastion of styrofoam- the environment be damned, this universe doesn’t care!
Food: Yucca – Possibly Deadly, Definitely Delicious
not deadly
Food: Only in Pittsburgh (P. 2)
It was brought to my attention that a lot of my recent posts have been about decadent, high-end dining: Menton, No. 9, all of my exploits at Central Bottle. But make no mistake, I am perfectly happy as a beer and pizza, dive bar kind of girl. Let’s take a trip back to my roots, and talk more about things found only in Pittsburgh.
that beer expired in 09, not a problem for me and BoSB
Pittsburgh likes fries on everything, and pizza is no exception. Pizza topped with every kind of meat available, as well as a side order of fries? Why not?
New England has apple picking and pumpkin patches, sure. But do they have a Cornstalk Maze or a Pumpkin Catapult? Heck no.
Red Sox this, Bruins that. Does Boston have Patriots’ branded mustard? NOPE!
Rolling Rock may not be brewed in the ‘burg anymore, but it doesn’t mean we can’t still claim it as ours, on every single seat of Heinz Field.
(RIP Three Rivers Stadium, the site of many baseball games with my dad, as we watched those loveable losers, The Pirates, try their best.)
And finally, this.
If you don’t get it, no amount of explanation will help you. Suffice it to say…only in Pittsburgh.
Food: How to Carve a Pumpkin
Step 1. Pick your pumpkin. This could take hours of agonizing- weighing the pros and cons of size, shape, color, stem durability- or it could take 5 minutes.
Step 2. Pay for your pumpkins.
Step 3. Clean your pumpkins. This is the hardest and most annoying part, though it does yield pumpkin seeds. If you happen to run across a small blonde urchin that can help you with this step, all the better.
Step 4. LEMON-IZE it! Once your pumpkin is carved, employ the same method you would with apple slices or any fruit that browns easily. Coat the inside with a layer of lemon juice to help your pumpkin last longer.
Step 5. Carving! Again, this could take hours of finesse, or minutes with a butcher knife. Your choice.
Step 6. Endure millions of photo opportunities brought on by your amazing pumpkins. This was not the best photo, but it definitely captured the moment.
Food: How (Not) to Make Chocolate Sauce
All day yesterday I had visions of an ice cream sundae. A big, fat, fluffy ice cream sundae with chocolate sauce and berries and whipped cream. As the day wore on I decided that instead of just buying some chocolate sauce and making regular whipped cream, I was going to make a real production of this sundae. I was going to make fancy homemade chocolate sauce and fresh rose sugared whipped cream and vanilla ice cream with blackberries mixed in. Oh yeah.
I started with the sauce. I don’t cook much with chocolate, but I found what appeared to be a very simple recipe in The Silver Palate and assembled the ingredients. I chose this moment to conveniently forget that cooking with chocolate is basically baking, a craft I have not yet the skill or patience with to perform to any level of competency.
Recipe for What Should Be Very Easy Homemade Chocolate Sauce:
4 ounces unsweetened chocolate
3 tablespoons butter, unsalted
2/3 cup water
1/3 cup sugar
6 tablespoons corn syrup
Pinch of salt
1 tablespoon rum or vanilla extract
Not too many ingredients, should be a piece of cake, right?
Wrong! Sit back and behold the steps to my spectacular failure.
1. Melt the chocolate and the butter very slowly, stirring frequently until combined.
Don’t get distracted by your dirty dishes or your blackberry or your pile of mail or your baking-induced ADD. Not that you would, but I did. Which led to the chocolate being a teeny bit burned already after step 1.
so promising...
2. Stir mixture into the boiling water.
Um, I figured the pot with the chocolate was bigger than the pot with the water. So…shouldn’t I just stir the water into the chocolate instead of what the recipe suggested? No, I should not have.
already burned, already a weird texture
3. Add the sugar, corn syrup, and salt, and mix until smooth.
I knew in my heart that canola oil was not a good substitute for corn syrup. But I had forgotten to buy corn syrup. And all I had was canola oil. And I was already halfway through this already halfway failed exercise. So I figured, press on.
a puddle of oil in already burned chocolate.
4. Turn the heat up and stir until mixture starts to boil; adjust heat so sauce stays at the boiling point, stirring occasionally.
But, if yellow foam starts to rise, probably there is no more saving this sauce. And also maybe you’ve kick- started the apocalypse.
a sign the end is near
5. Allow sauce to boil for nine minutes. Remove from heat, cool for 15 minutes. Stir in rum or vanilla, serve over ice cream.
Nope, nope, and nope. Examine crispy, oily, burned mess, take picture for blog post formerly titled “Chocolate Sauce is Easy!” then throw sauce in trash. Voila!
trash time!
Well, at least I still had the cream to whip, and the fancy rose sugar from my trip to London three years ago (sugar doesn’t go bad, does it?). I did get my sundae, though it wasn’t quite the fat, fluffy masterpiece I had envisioned. But it was still delicious.
still good, sans chocolate
now whipped cream, i can do
Gone Fishing
I don’t care what the season or what the weather, it’s always a beach day to me.
Feast: Paul Kahan at No. 9 Park
dean martin.
I could go on and on about the food, venue, and beer, but for the sake of brevity I’ll just hit the highest points. The evening opened with a cocktail hour rife with fantastic cheese and charcuterie, and of course, beer. To start, we were given a choice between two beers, both from Pretty Things Brewery. Based in Cambridge and brewed in Westport, Pretty Things (named for the 1960’s rock band) is a small-scale company owned by brewer Dann Paquette and his wife Martha, who have created some excellent craft beers with great label artwork. For my first, I chose their American Darling, a filtered lager that had notes of lemon and grass (they call it the “un-lawnmower” beer). While I wouldn’t call the beer light, it had a summery appeal to it and was a good start to the evening.
The dinner consisted of three courses with pairings in the main dining room, the most original of which I thought was the Roasted Black Cod with applewood broth, delicata squash, caramelized egg yolk, sesame, and woodsorrel. It was gorgeous.
roasted black cod
The cod was tender and the broth was mild but aromatic. and the sesame added a sweetness to the whole thing that was tempered by the dish’s beer pairing. My glass of La Grande Blanche by De Proef, one of Belgium’s leading breweries, was fruity with just a little hoppiness and spice.
By far my favorite part of the meal was the last course, entitled “Ham Chop in Hay.” Tender pork with sprouted granola, black mission figs, matsutake, and cassia was perfectly complimented by a smoky beer that smelled of bacon: Brauerei Heller- Trum Aecht Schlenkerla Rauchbier Urbock (say that five times fast). I almost never choose dark, bitter beers, but this one was a perfect match to the dish. It is actually referred to as a SmokeBeer, and is tapped from oakwood casks.
ham chop in hay
There was a lovely selection of desserts (flourless chocolate torte with bacon ganache!) and of course, more beer after dinner. But by the time the sweets were offered I had one bite and was immediately too full. Fortunately the staff at No. 9 was more than happy to host us for as long as we wanted, and their bar area is perfect for lounging and chatting. All in all, it was a fantastic evening with great company and amazing food. Thank you!
hated every last bite.
Frame: Missing Marilyn’s America
I’m not very political, and I’m well aware that “feminism” has always been the other f word. But I thought Making Ignorance Chic in today’s New York Times was an interesting perspective on “dumb blondes” of the past and present. In the article, Maureen Dowd details the story of Marilyn Monroe, a woman with “a curious incandescence under the skin” who was largely seen as a stupid sexpot. She brings up the starlet to discuss the “false choice between intellectualism and sexuality” that has plagued women for decades, and then longs for Marilyn and other public women of the past, who, even while batting their eyelashes, knew that “it was cool to be smart.” At least, Dowd posits, Marilyn aspired to be both beautiful and intellectual. These days, celebrities like Paris Hilton have no qualms about appearing moronic, and in fact wear their stupidity like a Louis Vuitton bag stuffed with a Yorkie on a Kate Spade leash. More unsettling, political figure Sarah Palin is doing her part to make ignorance “fashionable.”
even baby kate didn't have the guile to pull off marilyn's move
Palin says that “exceptionalism is suspect,” and we should be wary of this in our leaders. I’m not going to delve much into this here, this is a food blog- I should stick to what I know. However, this is also a blog about writing, so I will comment on Palin’s recent “tweet,” in which she makes the annoyingly specious argument that English is a living language, and we should embrace words like “misunderestimate.” Shakespeare liked to make up words too, she says. Ms. Palin, I am pretty well acquainted with Hamlet and his ilk. And you, ma’am, are no William Shakespeare. Please, do women everywhere a favor, and stop trying to make stupid look cute.
hey, its no eat pray love...
The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread 
