Tangent: “Good” Customers
In my line of work, I’m often approached by someone who starts off a tirade by saying “I’m a good customer.” This is when I know I’m in trouble. When the person announces themself as a “really good” customer, it’s just that much worse. And when I’m in the presence of an “excellent” customer, I just give up immediately.
Here is how these people typically define “good”:
–Rich. As in “I’m a good customer. I spend over $300 a week here.” Gosh, that’s great that you have all that money. Perhaps you should spend some on therapy instead of railing against me every time our chicken wings aren’t to your liking.
–Bored. As in “I’m a good customer. I’ve read everything there is to read about your company.” Really? You’ve read everything? If you have that much free time, I could really use a hand with some stuff out back. Unlike you, I don’t have an hour to listen to someone whine about how they disagree with our CEO’s philosophy on white sugar.
-Well-Educated. As in “I’m a good customer. I went to Harvard.” I could seriously give a shit. Normally, I don’t swear on this blog, but this one really gets me. I’m well-educated too. But you don’t hear me throwing it in your face every time I want a gift card or a free muffin.
–Altruistic. As in “I’m a good customer, and I need to bring something to your attention.” Usually what this person is bringing to my attention is that “that guy who works in Grocery doesn’t speak English, he can’t understand me and now I need your help to find my tortilla chips.” False. That gentleman’s name is Mike, and he’s just quiet. He’s quite smart, he speaks perfect English, and if you actually took a second to listen, you’d know that. But instead, you’ve made yourself look like a racist ass. Have a great day!
–Generally Superior to Me in Every Way. As in “I’m a good customer. I used to work in engineering/psychology/air travel [insert any profession with more cache than retail] and you are doing things [insert anything and everything] wrong here. I will now tell you how to do your job.” The amount of engineers who have taken precious time out of their days to share with me their long career history and chastise me for being an idiot (and, no doubt, a woman) is simply astounding. I should send all of them a thank you note for trying to put some semblance of order into my otherwise floundering organization. I could just cry for all the good these people try to do in the world. [Read: F Off.]
Here is how I define a “good” customer:
-Kind. Someone who treats my staff well, and who sticks up for my staff when someone else is treating them badly. (These people, I love. I will shower these people with gifts when I see them in the act.) Someone who lets the customer with 1 item go ahead of them and their overflowing cart.
–Considerate. Someone who makes an effort to help clean up the blueberries they spill all over the cart, or the soup their kids threw all over the floor. Or, at the very least, apologizes for leaving a mess.
–Conscientious. Someone who nicely brings important things to my attention. As in “Your clerk gave me turkey bologna instead of turkey salami, and I’m allergic to bologna.” Allergies are important, and I appreciate you telling me, especially because you did not end by saying “…and I think your clerk is retarded/foreign/generally stupid.” We all make mistakes.
If you ever want to start a conversation like this, first stop and figure out if you really are a good customer. And if you’re not a good customer, just remember: You are not faceless.
If you throw a fit, I will remember you.
If you make someone on my staff cry, I will remember you.
If you make me cry (later, in private, in the dark), I will hate you. And remember you.
And the next time you try to tell me that you are a good customer, I will turn around and walk away.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Valentine’s Day Food: Cocoa Dusting Taste Test
I’ve noticed that chocolate dipped items have been taking a backseat to “cocoa dusted” treats for the past few years. This is alarming. We’ve been dipping things in chocolate for centuries- strawberries, bananas, pretzels, cookies, bacon. These things are good all year round, but they get the undeniably delicious spotlight on Valentine’s Day. But… cocoa dusted scallops? Google it – there are tons of recipes for this. Why?
In the spirit of making the most out of Valentine’s Day, I decided to keep an open mind and do a taste test. I chose 3 items that I’ve seen increasingly powdered – Scallops, Steak, and Goat Cheese, and then picked three more that I was curious about – Potato, Pork, and Mushrooms. I rolled everything lightly in high quality, dutch processed cocoa powdered and cooked the ingredients in a small skillet with butter (except for the goat cheese, which I did not cook). Here are the results:
Scallops: Nope, I hate this. The cocoa powder was too much, and really took away from the flavor. In fact, I thought it made the scallops taste fishy. If I was to try this again I’d mix the cocoa with panko breadcrumbs.
Potato (Yukon Gold, thinly sliced): This was surprisingly tasty. The cocoa complements but doesn’t overwhelm the musky flavor of the potatoes.
Steak: The cocoa blends so well with the steak flavor that you don’t really taste it. Although, this makes sense- same idea as the popular Steak Mole.
Mushroom: Like the potato, the cocoa blended well with the earthy taste of the mushroom. I liked it.
Pork: Bad. Just bad. Don’t.
Goat cheese (rolled not cooked): My favorite! The tang of the goat cheese and the bitterness of the cocoa are actually great together, a really surprising fit.
All in all, I’d rather have some chocolate dipped bacon, but a cocoa dusting taste test is a cool activity to do with your Valentine. Voila.
Valentine’s Day Food: Fallen Chocolate Cakes
Valentine’s Day is upon us, and for many people this means baking something lovely for their sweetheart. But based on my history of baking failures (too long to list) my sweetheart would probably prefer I just brought over some Just Jimmies. Not this time, pal.
I have been working on a few recipes, and this one seems fool-proof, and much more impressive to look at than it is difficult to make. You can even put it together while you are washing the dishes from the last thing you made. (I’m still not quite there with my new year’s resolutions…) Granted, when I popped mine out of the ramekin the bottom fell out immediately and oozed onto the plate, but it was still photo-worthy and delicious. You can use any spices that you want with this – nutmeg, cayenne, clove, etc., but I like cinnamon and all spice. Top the cakes with a pinch of high quality sea salt or a little whipped cream and berries and your Valentine just may swoon.
Fallen Chocolate Cakes (makes enough for 4 small ramekins or 2 large ramekins with a fair amount of batter left over)
1 stick unsalted butter
2 teaspoons granulated sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon all spice
6 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/4 cups powdered sugar, plus more for dusting
3 large eggs plus 3 egg yolks
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
for finishing: pinch nice sea salt, powdered sugar, whipped cream, raspberries (optional)
Preheat oven to 400. Butter ramekins and sprinkle each with granulated sugar. This is important, do not skip this step.
Combine cinnamon, all spice, butter and chocolate in a saucepan over low heat until melted. Whisk the flour, powdered sugar, eggs and yolks, and vanilla in a bowl until creamy. Whisk in the melted chocolate mixture. Divide among the prepared ramekins.
Bake until the tops are stiff (though centers will still look jiggly), 12 to 14 minutes. Remove from the oven and let cool 5 minutes. Loosen the edges of the cakes with a knife and transfer to plates. Top as you desire. Voila.
Frame: Food Fighters
When I was a kid, a line of action figures called Food Fighters was a much less successful precursor to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle franchise. Food Fighters came in two teams: the noble Kitchen Commandos headed by Burger-dier General, and the nasty Refrigerator Rejects, led by Mean Weiner. Back in those days, Lieutenant Leg (a drumstick) would valiantly fight against Short Stack (a stack of pancakes), a classic battle against good and evil. But these days it’s relatively mundane foods like ginger, turmeric, pumpkin, and apple cider vinegar that fight against physical ailments, and even cancer. (Note: “Private Pumpkin” was never an actual Food Fighter.)
In particular, there is mounting evidence that Turmeric has anti-inflammatory properties that help to prevent pre-cancerous growths from maturing. But, turmeric has to be “stabilized” in oil before being absorbed, so this potato recipe – adapted from How To Eat Supper – is perfect. These potatoes are full of flavor and require very little work. Chop up the leftovers and sauté with some green peppers for awesome home fries.
Turmeric Potatoes
2 lbs yukon gold potatoes, sliced thin (skins on)
good quality olive oil
1 yellow onion, sliced
2 tbsp chicken broth
1/2 tsp ground turmeric
salt and pepper
Generously spread olive oil over the bottom of a 4 quart saucepan with a lid. Set pan over medium heat. Layer in the onion, turmeric, salt and pepper, then top with potatoes and more salt and pepper. Let mixture cook without stirring until onion starts to soften and brown. Don’t stir, but poke underneath to check to make sure onions aren’t burning. Add broth and reduce heat to medium-low, cover pan. Don’t stir, but shake pan occasionally. Cook for 20-25 minutes, adding more liquid if needed. Potatoes are done when they are tender. Pull pan off heat and let stand, covered, for 5 minutes. A sprinkle of lemon or lime juice is a nice finish, but not necessary. Make sure to get the onion glaze off the bottom of the pan to top the potatoes before serving. Voila.
Food: Feasts Under $5 -Tarragon Chicken with Leeks
It’s been awhile, but I’ve discovered another contender for Feasts Under $5 in one of my new cookbooks, How To Eat Supper. This is easy, cheap, and surprisingly healthy- you don’t use any oil on the chicken, and while there is butter in the recipe, you could half the amount, or even eliminate it if you wanted to. The best part of this is the fresh tarragon flavor – unexpected and fresh, a nice wake up to winter food.The recipe is widely available online (and in the book) but here is the cost breakdown, if you were wondering:
4 Chicken Breasts: $12
1 Bunch Leeks: $3
32 oz Chicken Broth: $2.39
1 lemon: 1.00
1 package fresh tarragon: $2.50
Total: $20.39 or $5.09
(Butter, salt, and pepper are pantry staples and thus not included in the cost.)
Feast (Maine): Maine Diner
Chowder is rarely bad, but it’s rarely noteworthy. You might like it thicker, or more milky, you might have a preference for or against the inclusion of potatoes. The amount of seafood is usually skimpy, and the broth can sometimes be bland. But the Maine Diner has a Seafood Chowder that makes you want to sink yourself into a pile of scallops, shrimp, clams, and broth that was clearly homemade from real fish stock. This is not “I’m hungry and I’m in Maine so I should order seafood” chowder, this is “I’d drive up from Boston just to eat this” chowder. And yes, Guy Fieri agrees.
The diner is in Wells, ME, right outside of Kennebunkport, and it’s one of the few places open at this time of year. Still, at 10:30am on a Sunday we were seated right away and the service was friendly and quick but not rushed. We unwittingly ordered a mountain of food, all of it so fantastic we seriously contemplated coming back for second helpings the next day.
Here’s what we ate:
1 blueberry muffin (served warm, sweet but not sugary, nicely crusted top)
1 cup seafood chowder (best I’ve ever had)
1 lobster pie with coleslaw and french fries (freshly picked lobster meat, perfect amount of butter and crackers)
1 slice blueberry pie with vanilla ice cream (pie was good not great, ice cream was great)
(everything above came as one order, the “Fisherman’s Special”)
1 order smoked mozzarella and bacon macaroni and cheese (decadent and smooth, could imagine being served this dish in a much fancier restaurant)
2 cups coffee
1 diet coke
The total was $42. I don’t think I could have purchased the amount of seafood we ate for $42 in Boston. Go. Go now. Get the seafood chowder. Voila.
Feast (Newport): Vanderbilt Grace
The Vanderbilt Grace is a landmark hotel nestled in the middle of downtown Newport, up a cobblestone hill. I’m sure the hotel itself is lovely but all we really cared about were the oysters.
We had lunch in the sun room, which was quiet, warm, and relaxing – the perfect place for a little celebration. The hostess gave us ample time to review the drink menu, ask questions, and generally sink into our seats. And then a new waitress manically dumped a basket of bread on our table, pointed at Dave, and insisted several times that he’d eaten there before. Crazy was carted away. Too much energy for the Vanderbilt.
The oysters were beautifully presented. The bison burger was beautifully presented. The crab cake was topped with butternut squash relish, and thus beautifully presented. I had a glass of champagne. It was all we could do not to nap on the table by the end of our meal, but then we ordered dessert and Crazy returned, shouting just one word: “DESSERT!” before leaving our (phenomenal – and beautifully presented) pound cake and bouncing away.
Voila.
Frame: Food Trends for 2012
It’s January, and food trend articles are rampant. Everything from in-house ricotta to dinosaur kale is predicted to hit the big time. Even artisanal jerky is on a few lists. Goat jerky? I’m skeptical.
Here are my top 5 Food Trend Predictions for 2012. Or at least 5 foods/things I’m planning to eat more/less of.
1) Anti-Dairy Sentiment: Yeah, it’s not looking good for milk. I’ll never say goodbye completely, but dairy is being increasingly scrutinized for causing asthma, migraines, cancer, hangnails – you name it. I bet most of us will add almond, soy, coconut, or hemp milk to the mix at some point this year.
2) Food as Drugs: No, not magic mushrooms, I’m talking about the trend toward using natural remedies instead of feeding Big Pharma. In particular, Apple Cider Vinegar has actually been proven to kill cancer cells and fight diabetes and obesity. Turmeric is also an anti-cancer agent. Why wouldn’t I try to work these into my diet?
3) Farmshares/CSAs: Grabbing a weekly box of fresh, local produce from your neighborhood farm or grocery store is growing in popularity. Once you spend the money you basically HAVE to eat your veggies, and it forces you to create new recipes as well. If you think that’s too much produce for one person, split the cost with friends.
4) “Family Meal”: More and more restaurants are adding this to their menus and their cookbooks. Usually hearty and relatively simple, “Family Meal” is what chefs typically call the meal they cook for their staff before dinner service. In Thomas Keller’s French Laundry Cookbook, he has a recipe for Family Meal lasagna, and the whole trend goes along with the recession-popularity of slow cookers and comfort food.
5) Middle Eastern Food: Spices like Za-atar, sumac, and ras-el hanout are much easier to find these days, and at this point every grocery store you visit has about 60 varieties of hummus. I’m not complaining, I’ve been a fan of Oleana for quite some time.
Let’s check back next year and see how I did. Voila.
Feast: Za Restaurant
Za Restaurant takes reservations, sort of. Unfortunately “sort of” is kind of sucky when it’s 20 minutes past your call time and you’re standing by the hostess booth, gnawing on your menu. The day after our dinner, when I remembered how frustrating it had been to watch large groups led to their tables while we silently pondered the meaning of the word “reservation,” I called to clarify the policy. “We only do call ahead reservations,” they told me. I’m still confused. I called ahead, and I made a reservation, and the hostess said it would be fine. What?
But on to the food. Za makes a big deal about its composed salads, but the Butternut Squash special tasted as if it had been infused with smoke, or some chemical. Maybe the composing mold wasn’t properly rinsed? Fortunately the Avocado Salad was great, but would have been better as a guacamole. The pizza with shiitake mushrooms and truffle oil was good, though in need of salt. The basic pizzas were fine, but not notable. However, the Mac and Cheese Pizza is definitely a reason to brave the trying yet pleasant atmosphere at Za. Noodles on pizza dough is not usually the kind of thing you can perfect at home, and it is pretty unique.
Finally, we did learn – during our annoying, reservation-flummoxing wait – that Za is a popular take-out place. At least 4 people picked up pizzas in the span of 30 minutes. I think that’s the secret to this place: get in, get out, get the Mac and Cheese Pizza.
Feast: Greek Corner
Much like Zoro, when Guy Fieri visits a Diner, Drive In, or Dive, he leaves his mark. Unfortunately, Guy’s mark is a life-sized photo featuring his spiky blonde tips and sunglasses. At least Greek Corner has the good sense to hide it in the back, across from a painting of the Aegean Sea (startlingly blue) and rows of small, polished Mandolins.
The restaurant was packed on Friday at 6:30pm, but starting to clear out by 8 – so don’t try to beat the rush by going early. The servers are friendly and banter with each other as they squeeze through narrow aisles to get to their tables. All manner of customers like the Corner- parents with little kids, Cambridge super-nerds on double dates, big Greek families, even a few hipsters (must have wandered in by mistake). The menu features everything you’d hope for – dolmas, Avgolemono, Pastitsio, Moussaka, so it’s really just a question of how much you can shove down your throat.
We started with the Sampler Plate – mediocre spinach pie, passable dolmas, but fantastic hummus, tzatziki, feta, eggplant salad, and tabouleh. The star was the taramosalata, caviar blended with bread and spices. Smooth, salty, and a lovely shade of pink. I washed that down with a nice glass of Chardonnay (made even more agreeable by its $5 price tag) and started on my Gyro with fries and ubiquitous Greek Salad. The Gyro was great, not over-sized but still plentiful, and a good ratio of meat to sauce. The pita was particularly good, the Greek version of an english muffin on the griddle – soft and warm with a sheen of seared butter on the oustide.
Bottom line: some really good Greek food, at really good prices. Voila.




















