Feast: Birthday BoSB’s Burger

BosB goes for Number 4

Today, in honor of my brother’s 26th birthday, I’d like to share some lessons he’s learned after 4 years of eating the famous 1 pound burger, The Pounder, at Cheeburger Cheeburger.

1. If you’re going to eat that much beef, get some exercise the morning before. It’s better to at least start out hungry.
2. Do NOT get distracted by fries or onion rings. These things will only fill you up and slow you down. Technically there is no time pressure when eating one of these burgers, but toward the end you just want it to be over.
3. If you start to get the meat sweats, see above and just keep going. Don’t prolong the agony.
4. Do not attempt this in any place that doesn’t advertise “100% All Natural Angus,” with a weird blue ribbon seal that isn’t endorsed by any governmental agency.

5. Cheese is helpful. So is ketchup and mustard. Together, they make everything slide down a little more easily.
6. When you finish and someone brings over a big stuffed burger and a camera, just smile and try not to look as nauseous as you feel.
7. Wait at least a year before attempting this feat of intestinal strength again.

Happy Birthday Mike, here’s to 126 more years of eating burgers together.